Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Dearest Lu,

Happy Birthday Sweetheart,
It is hard to imagine that 6 years ago today I was in my hospital room pacing back and forth with you...
both of us crying.
Yours was ear piercing. A scream that no amount of feeding, swaddling, or bouncing could soothe, and mine, well it was more along the lines of the silent cry. One single tear rolling down each cheek with another soon to follow. I felt defeated. I had waited for you and only you for 9 whole months. It had been 9 months full of Health scares and trials. We felt so lucky to have gotten pregnant with you at all and we knew that our family needed you at that precise moment in our lives. But here we were in the hospital and everything was all wrong. I nursed, you scrame; I cuddled, you scrame; I rocked, you scrame; I walked, you...get the picture. It was my first time as a mother and I was feeling the insecurities a plenty. I will never forget our second night in the hospital. I was exhausted after 36 hours of no sleep, so I did what I swore I would never do, (such a first mom!) called the nurses and begged for them to take my screaming baby to the nursery. 15 minutes later, they brought you back and said "I'm sorry, but she just won't stop screaming." That night was one of the hardest of my life as I stayed up until 4 in the morning trying anything and everything to no avail until you finally fell asleep mid scream. I held you in my arms and cried my self to sleep thinking one thought...
"My baby hates me."
The next few months would prove to be extremely tough ones. Daddy and I would take shifts staying up at night and bouncing as hard as we could for that rare moment that you would calm for a second. We used vacuums, drove around in the car with white noise blaring out of the speakers and took 3 in the morning walks in the stroller.
The hardest part was the well meaning advice from friends and family...
"Maybe she's cold."
"I really think she's hungry."
or my favorite "Babies do cry you know." (Really? for 8 hours straight!!!????)
(btw, if you know someone that has a colicky baby, they don't need advice. they need a hug.)
It was tough and that small period of mine and Daddy's life feels to be a bit of a hazy blur. Somewhere around 4 months though a miracle happened and we met our little Lulu. You outgrew the colic. You stopped crying. You smiled. You laughed. And we all slept. :)
I'm not sure why I feel the need to write all this out in your Birthday letter Lu, but those first few months have been on my mind all day today. In fact, I woke up last night thinking about you and your early life. It was hard. And because of that it also feels beautiful to me. It seems like the best things in life come after a lot of sacrifice, perseverance and hard work. And little girl, you are definitely among the best things in life.
I am in awe with you. You have such a beautiful spirit about you. It reaches out and touches people to their very core. You have a goodness that is so pure it brings tears to my eyes at times and I am so grateful to be your mother. I now cherish those first few months, because for whatever reason, that's just how you needed to come and it's what I needed to deserve to be the mother of such a special spirit called Lu.
So this letter is for you darling, so that we may always remember little ol you at the age of 6...

You are friends with everyone! You are actually quite shy, but something about you just draws people in. Every park, pool, or mall we go to you meet some new BFF and we can't leave without hugs and the mom and I exchanging numbers. You love people and you always want to make sure no one feels left out. I guess this is why I passed out 19 invitations for a Fancy Nancy party today. Good Grief. I'm already dreading the extra number of girls next year after you start school.

You love fashion. We went on a special mommy daughter shopping date last week and you were cracking me up trying on dresses and giving me "fashion girl" poses. You were dying over one dress that had some see through lace on the shoulders. You kept saying "Oh mom! Doesn't it look amazing!" Haha. Of course this is the dress you're wearing tomorrow on your first big day.

You love to be entertained. You LOVE TV. You did as a babe and it has not worn out. Luckily, you LOVE books even more. You beg me to read to you all the time. Right now we're reading Anne of Green Gables together and you are loving that fiery, dramatic red head. I cherish this one on one time with you.

You are so easy to be around. You truly make everything more fun. I feel like I could take you anywhere and have a ball.

You are playing soccer for the first time this summer and your doing so good! The first few times, Daddy and I were a little worried you might be "too nice" for the game. You would stand around waiting for "your turn" for the ball and the rare time the ball would come near you, you would scan around you to make sure no one else wanted/needed the ball before you would kick it. Daddy had a lot of talk with you explaining how it's okay to be aggressive in sports. The next week you were running after that ball and kicking across the field. We have so much fun watching you and your brother!

You love older girls. You adore Chloee down the street. She's 8 and teaches you gymnastics every day at 3:30 on the "green grass." You look up to her so much and she's a doll of a girl, so I'm good with that.

Your favorite person in the world is your cousin Kaylee. We spent the week with them at Papa's and Grandma Debbie's house and the two of you were inseparable. Like literally, you were always holding hands, arm in arm, and hugging. You two love art. You have decided to become pen pals and you jumped for joy when you got your first letter from her.

You love animals. We allowed you to get a kitty for your birthday this year. (GOodness. We are regretting that.) You named her Roxy. You adore her and spend HOURS outside every day talking with her and cheering her on when she goes poop in her litter box. Awesome. Your Daddy despises cats, so you better know how much he loves you.

You still sleep with that dirty bunny every night. You love hearing the story about when I got her for you. "You were a baby. You cried and cried all the time. I put the bunny in your crib, pulled the tail, dropped to the ground and held my breath while you listened to the little lullaby and fell fast asleep."

You really love all your stuffed animals. You name them all. Dress them all. And sleep with almost all. Big Bear is your protector. Grammy gave him to you for your first birthday and it was love at first site. I always know when you've had a bad dream or are a little nervous, because I'll find you sleeping with your head cradled in "big bear."

You love church. You love Jesus. You love goodness. It all just comes natural for you. I cannot count how many times you have heard something about the gospel and looked at me and said "I know that's true. My heart is warm." It's an amazing thing, that kind of belief and I hope you never ever let the world take that away from you.

Your full of grace. You dance into a room. And like, I've said a million times, you light it up. There really is a little light around you and you radiate happiness. I love it.

You have a big heart and you worry about people. If you hear about anyone that is having a hard time or is sick, you will pray over and over for them and you ask me questions about how they're doing all day. You're sensitive and you want everyone to be okay.

You're a strong girl. You want to make other people happy and you say yes as much as possible, but you do know when to say no, and I'm proud when you do. :)

You are a doll of a big sister. You love your brother and sissy with your whole heart. The Rockstar can drive you crazy at times and get you in the screams, but in the end you two are best friends and play most the day together. He adores you Lu, and I am so glad for the example you are to him.

The other day Daddy and I were talking about Gigi and what a diva she is. You stopped us and said "Oh no she's not! Gigi's nothing but a sweetheart!" Way to put us in our place girlie! We haven't stopped laughing about it.

You love to ride your bike and you are quite the little dare devil. You love to cruise down hills as fast as you can.

Your still scared of the water and we've backed off quite a bit. Were hoping you'll feel a little more comfortable soon. You do love to swim and you'll go in deep water with your floaties on, but that face of yours can NEVER be under water. You turn into a different kid when someone tries to get you to go under too. You'll yell at the top of your lungs and give them the what for.
I have to admit, I don't mind it at all. I think it's good that your learning your boundaries and aren't afraid to shout them.

You are so smart. You love to learn and are so excited to go to school. You met your teacher the other day and she is pretty much the sweetest lady alive. The two of you clicked right away, and I know this is going to be a great year for you!

I just asked Daddy what he wanted to add to this letter. He wants you to know how much he loves and adores you. You will always be his special little princess. Your personality is so much fun and he is so thankful to be your Daddy.

You are beautiful Lulu. Happy 6th Birthday and know that you are one loved little girl!!


Tricia Lovato said...

What a beautiful letter! You are right....she has this amazing spirit that just radiates. Kylee has just loved her since the moment she met her and really looks up to her.

She is so sweet and we just love her to pieces.

Rachel said...

She is everything you wrote and more! Such a sweet and special little gal she is! Happy Birthday from the Wilson clan cute little LuLu! Hope your day is magical!

Elle and Clint Stallings said...

That outfit is to die for! oh my gosh i cant get over her pose... seriously well done on this little girl of yours!!

carrie said...

Thanks for making me cry Kristin! Little Lu is a doll, and is such a wonderful little girl, she gets it from her momma! Happy Birthday!

Terry said...

I can't believe where the time has gone. I do love that Lulu so much and i am so proud of the beautiful little girl that she is in so many way. I can't wait to see her and hug her. Please tell her how proud we are of her and how much we love her.

debbie joy said...

I can't really put into words just how huge my love is for this little LU LU> I was there when she made her way into this world and she has held a special place in my heart since that first second. There is something so magical about the first daughter of your own first daughter. I love you both with a crazy passion.

Shai Brown said...

You are an amazing writer! I wish I could put my feelings in words like you do! You're an amazing mommy too!

nicole said...

Beautiful!! I think I'll have you write my kids tributes too :) Lulu is a darling girl, just like her mama. Happy birthday sweetheart!