They call me Mommy

The other day, I got a tearful phone call from a very close friend.

She had very recently given birth to her first precious babe...

and life was slugging her between the eyes. 

(been there right ladies!?)

She poured her heart out about how she just didn't feel like herself. How life had changed so much and she just didn't feel like she could ever measure up.

She choked out "Kit, I'll just be perfectly honest, I don't even think I like being a mom."

I honestly think she expected me to gasp, hang up the phone, and CPS to simultaneously burst right thru the door and rescue her little bundle!! 

Haha. Nope. Instead I told her...

"I've been there too dear. In fact, I'm not sure I even liked my baby."

I remember August 2, 2005 vividly when I was first introduced to motherhood.

20 hours after a 12 hour birth, I called the nurses and begged and pleaded for them to take my screaming baby to the nursery.

They had already taken her twice, only to bring her back 30 minutes later saying
"I'm sorry, but we can't get her to stop crying." Really!?? Me either!!!

It was the first of many days that my ideals of motherhood were going to be slingshotted across the field and slammed against a brick wall.

I had such high hopes of new motherhood. Sure, I knew it was going to be a big responsibility. I knew there would be some sleepless nights. I knew this was a little life that depended completely and utterly on me, but oh the joys it would bring!
I am going to cuddle my baby all day long. I am going to do mommy-baby yoga every morning. I am going to put her on a sleep, eat, play, sleep cycle, so that she can develop "healthy sleep habits" from the beginning. 
Mozart? played it. Baby massage? oil bought and pressure points studied. Read to? In the womb!

I could even picture my life years later with 5 (or 8...you know depending on finances) little children bouncing around my house, lovingly sharing toys, reciting scriptures, eating homemade bread, and memorizing the constitution. 

Bahahaha!!

Well, as I said before my first experience was a doozy. I can honestly say, I very seldom got to just snuggle with my baby. Most of the time I had to put her in a room and walk outside just so I could get my cool together.

My friends would invite me to "play dates" with their "carseat babies"

(you know the ones who just sit there, strapped up, cooing, and batting at the little cow hanging down) 

I was the mom in the corner dripping sweat out of every pore while I bounced (arms fully extended and swinging with a forceful momentum...I've never had such great biceps) while my baby scrame. and scrame.

They would all pitch in their 2 cents....

Maybe she's hungry? or cold? or too warm? or tired? or poopy?
Maybe she has allergies? Maybe her spine's out of alignment?
or maybe it's from trauma in the womb???

I definitely started to think it was me. That somehow I had missed the "great mom gene"

Freak. maybe if I was more spiritual. Maybe if I had read more books about this.

Maybe if I had taken my prenatals???

I cried A LOT.

BUT then at about 3 1/2 months, a miracle happened.

My little girl seemed to be smiling...well...a lot more.

And at about 4 1/2 she just seemed happy.

Did she sleep thru the night? Heavens No!

But I got some cuddles in. We had more of a routine down.

And most of all....

I kind of liked the girl.

Haha. Kidding. I LOVED her! I couldn't get enough of her.

And I have to say Lulu has never given me much grief since. She is a gem.

As my other two munchkins are.

So why share that all on Mother's Day?? I guess I'm not quite sure. Maybe just because I like to write. :)

Or maybe to share one Mommy's experience when things didn't go quite as planned...

but it all worked out.

Being a mom is tough.

It is wonderful though. 

It takes so much effort, devotion, and sacrifice.

And of course it does, because anything this good should. 

I've had many tearful days, I've done the wrong thing many times, I've collapsed on my knees for help, and I've stayed up several nights thinking....I don't think I can do this. I don't think I got it in me.

BUT I swear it's always the next day (sometimes week) that I get that slobbery wet kiss from Miss Gigi followed with a "Happy Birfday!" or Lulu leaves a cute little drawing on my pillow, or the Rockstar gives me one of his big bear hugs and mentions something he learned last week in FHE (I guess he does hear something even when he is sword fighting his baby sister with his finger!!)

And every once in a great while my kids do eat some homemade bread, they sometimes share,

and...
wait...no we never have memorized the constitution,

but they do know itsy bitsy spider.

And that is good enough for me :)

Happy Mother's Day!!!

I just LOVE being called Mommy.
most of the time :)